Excerpts from - Fear - Take it on as a project.
by Coy Barefoot
Hello, Fear
David Johnson quit the business last night.
He came home around 7:30 pm., pulled his car into the garage, cut the engine, and sat in the dark and actually cried. He never thought it would be this hard.
It was a different story four months ago, when he and Allison signed-up. Her brother had shown them the network marketing business, and although they had both been somewhat skeptical at first, they finally came around.
Allison had been apprehensive about investing in a business of their own. "We don't have any extra money as it is," she told David. "How can we afford to operate a business?" Allison clearly was worried.
"That's the whole reason we do this business in the first place," David told her. "We do it so we will have extra money. We have to do something."
David was more concerned about the recruiting aspect of networking - how in the world would he find all the people he needed? "I don't know that many people," he thought, and besides, "Allison's brother has already talked to everyone in the family. (From Barb - All you need are a handful of commited people to achieve success. A poll was taken of network marketers who were making at least $10,000 a month and for most of these people 80% of their organization was under just 3 personally sponsored people.)
But when David learned that he would be taught how to contact people and share the opportunity, he started getting excited.
"They'll show us everything we need to do," he told Allison, one night as they were sitting on the back porch. "I'm just as nervous about this as you are, honey, but I just think we ought to give it a try and see what happens." (From Barb - The "try" is a big mistake. For success you have to be commited. I think why many marriages fail is because one or the other says I think I will give it a "try".)
"We both want so much more in life," he whispered. "Let's give this a try."
The next day they joined up and started to work. It was like nothing could stop them. David hadn't been this excited about his future since he left college - it was like the whole world was spread out before him again, and all his dreams were coming true. (From Barb - a key to success is to be this excited about your business each and every day.)
His upline showed the business to some of his friends at work, but none of them were interested. Then David made a few awkward phone calls to their doctor, dentist, and mechanic, but none of them were even interested in taking a look at it. (From Barb - the more you share the better you will get. This business is simple, not easy, and it is worth it.)
Hello, Guilt
The fear only got worse.
Over the next couple of months, David tried talking to strangers, but every time he got around to bringing up the business or asking for a card, his heart would start pounding and his palms would sweat - it was like he was having a mini-heart attack. Panic. He would freeze. (From Barb - you need to find what works for you, what you are comfortable with in sharing with others. Everyone is different. Try different ways of sharing. If you hear someone talking about health or money challenges you could step in and mention that you have something that could benefit them and share your information with them. The salesy approach does not work with most people. A good thing to remember is to treat others like you want to be treated.)
As he drove back to work that afternoon from the bank, he began to think the worst: Here it was - his and Allison's one chance to get financially free, to realize their dreams - and he was going to blow it for them. As he drove along, the fear quickly dissolved into guilt; guilt that he was letting Allison down, letting his kids down, letting his upline down, letting himself down. (From Barb - Don't beat yourself up when you are having challenges. Look at your strengths. Look at what you have accomplished in life. You can do this! When you talk to yourself, depending on what you say, you will either lead yourself on an upward spiral or a downward spiral. Remember you can talk yourself into or out of anything.)
The Cycle
That night, David listened to a tape and started getting excited about the business again. He spent some time reading one of his favorite motivational books, and in no time, he was fired-up.
David resolved to get serious about the business, and to begin fresh tomorrow. He vowed to himself to stay cool under pressure, to not be afraid, to do what needed to be done.
By the time David pulled his car into the garage last night, he was just tired of the roller coaster ride he was putting himself through.
His only thought was: If I just quit the business, the fear will go away, the guilt will go away, and everything will go back to normal...but then he and Allison would be stuck in their dead-end jobs for the rest of their lives, too.
Loser.
David leaned back in the seat and sobbed. He didn't care. He quit. Right there, right then - he quit his dreams.
A Way Through
David's experience is not unique in the world of network marketing. In fact, it is probably more common than any of us like to admit.
The answer to this dilemma that sabotages so many networking businesses each day lies in finding a way through the fear and the guilt, instead of finding a way out - finding a successful way to break through the fear instead of running from it.
The goal is to achieve success despite the fear, rather than failure because of it.
That's why we talked to Pat Pearson.
A psychotherapist, author, and internationally recognized motivational speaker Pearson specializes in working with people in the direct selling and network marketing industry. She has spent years dealing with the emotional issues which networkers face on a daily basis, and she has built a name for herself by helping people to overcome those challenges - such as fear and guilt - that can often wreck a business.
Pat says: The key is to understand that fear and excitement are the same thing - physiologically. With both you are in a hyper-state of awareness. You're jazzed and that jazz can be defined as either fear or excitement. The definition that you put on the event is the deciding factor in what that event becomes. It's not the event, but the interpretation of the event. Once you accept that you have control, and that you have choice in a situation, you can go about making sure that instead of getting scared, you feel excited.
Guilt is basically self-criticism - pointing your finger at yourself and telling yourself negative stories about who and what you are.
Fear is a form of self-sabotage. Fear often comes from the negative self-tak - negative beliefs about yourself or your abilities - and it can trip you up even as you're racing across the finish line. The key is to practice replacing that negative self-talk with positive self-talk.
Whatever you say to yourself, right before you don't do what you want to do (like talking to someone about your business), is what you need to change. You have to change that mental script.
If you stay in your business long enough and beat the fear - take it on as a project and beat it - you become a fuller human being. By and large, you just don't do that in corporate America.
Like anything else, it takes practice. Be willing to practice talking to yourself differently. Learn to give yourself the room that you will need to grow in your business. And be patient.
In network marketing, not only do you have to learn tasks, but you have to learn process. You must master some psychological issues to be really successful, and that success will have positive effects on everything else in your life, and everything else you decide to do. You're developing your soul in network marketing, as well as developing your pocket book.
Nail in the fence.
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger they leave a scar just like these holes in this fence. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry the wound is still there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.
